Leap Of Faith

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I have always been a person who both likes to know what's ahead of me, but also craves change and the unknown. A combination that is not easy to balance, as it often leaves me wondering and worrying - mostly about things I can't change anyway. It has happened a lot that I got caught up in chasing the bigger picture and forgot to enjoy the moment, right now. It is difficult not to get stuck on the fast track in your mind when you have set goals (and wishes) and try to work towards them. But from my experience, the harder and further I focus ahead of me, the more I actually sabotage the whole thing.

Seems like being (too) eager usually doesn't contribute to the good cause at all. In my first job I always tried to finish my tasks as quickly & perfectly as possible. I did good work, but it wasn't until I had resigned (and got less motivated in the last month) that I started getting a lot more compliments on my achievements. The only thing that had changed? My attitude: I cared less. How weird is that!

Though I still can't quite wrap my head around why I - apparently - do better when I care less, years later it still serves as a regular reminder when I get into my 'overthinking mode'. I am not saying that I generally care less - possibly still very much the opposite (once my heart is in it...) - but I do try to take a leap of faith and just calm the f* down. Instead of focusing, and worrying, about the goals that I have set for my personal and professional life, and the time that is ticking away (aaah), I try to enjoy things, activities and people that make my day-to-day better. In the end, I think, it all comes down to that whole philosophy of leading a fulfilling life and, by that, attracting good things. And good people.

I know, it maybe sounds a bit lame, and perhaps "too easy", but even this skeptic has started to believe it. In the past I have always tried to fill voids by rushing into things (relationships, big ice cream tubs, Netflix marathons) and expected others to contribute to my happiness. Since ending my last relationship, I have taken the time to kind of date myself - by doing things I have been wanting to do for so long but always procrastinated on, because I didn't want to do it alone in fear of feeling/looking like a "loser". But you know what, once I ignored that fear and just went for it, the only thing I felt was "awesomeness". It's a great feeling.